Tee hee heeeeeee

My husband came down to the living room where I was sitting, watching TV, to inform me he had a new story for my blog. I had free reign over the words that followed  to share with the masses.

He had just been taking a bath, trying to warm up after a long day out in the cold, rainy, outdoors. He thought about how I commented the other day that his sandy colored hair was soft. As such, he decided he’d try putting conditioner in it just to see if it would become even softer/silkier. It’s not something he usually does.

He picked up my new conditioner that is from Revlon’s new ColorSilk color protect line – for Black.

It was a blue color, which didn’t concern him as he used to use Selsun Blue… So it didn’t seem odd to him. The bottle said to leave it in for five minutes, so he ran it thoroughly through his very red beard and his sandy blond hair.

After a few minutes he noticed a black streak running down his face. He looked down at his beard and his beard was black!

He said he nearly shit himself as he quickly started rinsing it all out… scrubbing as he did so.  It didn’t come out immediately, so he scrubbed his head and face for 10 minutes and still his hair was darker than it should be. He got the majority of his true color back…. but his beard is still a darker red and his hair is still tinted a blue-black:


AHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA…. I giggled to the point of tears again. He was telling me how silly I was the other day about how I still laugh to tears over scaring him over a year ago… I told him this may just make the laugh-to-tears-even-after-years list too… Hahaha!

He said the thing was that he checked the bottle and no where does it say it will color hair… Yet, the shampoo states clearly that it does not color hair… the conditioner did not say either way. So, I guess the moral of the story is… Don’t use the Revlon ColorSilk Color Protect hair shampoos/conditioners unless you actually have dyed your hair that color (or you want to enhance your natural color that matches the version you’ve bought.)

Also…. Bahahahahaaaaaa!

*PS I love him even though he has noted I tend to laugh only at his pain…. …. …

Melodic Memories

The kid was adorable, if I must admit. I call him a kid because he was a year and a half plus a day younger than I  and as teenagers that gap felt enormous. As if that whole extra year and a day really made a difference – I had dated Andre earlier in the year while he was 6 months younger than I… and that had seemed as though it was a stretch at the time… Funny how that point of view changes as you grow.

Regardless of his age, I looked down at him as he knelt on one knee with his guitar propped on the other knee – strumming out a tune he wanted to show me that he had learned recently. His blue-grey eyes were clear and sparkling in the dim lighting as he sang out Green Day lyrics. I smirked at how passionately he sang the subversive content, as if he were serenading me with a romantic verse; though secretly I was impressed with his talent. As we talked afterwards, he confessed to me that he hoped one day to be a legit musician.

He was a blond haired, Swedish boy that went to Young Life meetings in Täby – the suburb of Stockholm in which he lived, though it took me a good hour to travel to. We met originally at the Young Life Holsby Brunn camp – I was 16 and he was still 14. See? Much too young! I focused my sight on Maarten that summer…

But Freddy was a nice kid, and I recall being impressed at how cool he was even though he was only 14. Gosh, I was cocky, now that I think about it… because CLEARLY I was a cool 14 year old – so why would I expect less from any other 14 year olds?? Haha.

Anyway, Freddy (actually we mostly called him Fredrik, as was his Christian name, back then – Freddy is the newer incarnation of his image… at least as far as I am concerned.) …Freddy was a really good guitar player. He liked to bring his guitar along to Young Life meetings and play around on it afterwards when we were all just hanging out and chatting. He was a sweet thing that would show me when he learned new songs and serenade me as I described. In particular, I remember him singing me not only “Basketcase,” by Green Day but also  “What do you do with a drunken sailor?” Haha.

I remember thinking If only he was my age or older… You know, I kick myself these days when I think of what an idiot I was in that regard. Who gives a damn now about the girl being older / a less than two year age difference? Not saying it would have worked out or that he would have wanted to date me anyway, but you know…. He was a nice enough guy that it would have been worth the effort.

Well, now, when I got back in touch with Freddy some years ago it was no surprise to me that he is now a musician by trade. He is the guitarist for a band called “The Spin.” It is a Swedish “party pop” band, that also apparently has success in Britain. When I first got back in touch with him, they were living in Britain and making appearances on radio shows between gigs… But I understand they now live back in Sweden and just travel to Britain on occasion.

Check him out being a rockstar (haha, it tickles me to call him a rockstar 😛 )


Image from his personality ” Freddy – TheSpin ” facebook page.

…and here is a picture of the band from the band’s facebook page, Freddy is the one on the far left with the sunnies atop his head if you can’t tell without his rocking out face 😛


So, consider this a plug to go check them out – especially if you happen to live in either of those areas that they tend to perform. …and if you get the chance, feel free to say “Hej” to Freddy for me 😉

aaaannnnddd okay… one more pic – from my scrapbook… this is him as a youth at the YL camp at Holsby Brunn… Not the best clarity…  Here’s hoping he doesn’t hate me for sharing it here 😉




Hey Mum

I pulled into Zinger Coffee & Tea’s drive through just as Bachelor Girl’s song “Buses and Trains” started coming through my speakers. It had been a long time since I’d listened to that song.

I liked it as a teen, but hadn’t really thought much about the song as a whole. But as I grabbed my “Sweet Pea” latte (Caramel and Hazelnut… Don’t ask me why they call it a Sweet Pea… It’s a February special, so likely just a cutesy name related to Valentine’s day) and started to listen a little more closely.

I realised that I related more to this song than I had understood as a teen.

“Hey Mum, why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you teach me a thing or two? You just let me go out into the world; you never thought to share what you knew…”

About a year and a half ago at this point, my mother came to visit me in Australia. I sat down with her in my living room, with a bottle of wine, and asked her some very similar questions.

I had found out about some issues she had had with her relationship with my father. She had since found out about my abusive relationship – basically. I don’t think she even still cares to hear about the specifics. I mean… I can’t blame her for that. I don’t think I’d want to know details if I were her either. Plus… She had been more involved with my littlest sister and getting her out of an abusive relationship in recent years. It would have burdened her more than necessary to know, really.


“Hey Mum, why didn’t you warn me? ‘Cause I found boys were something I should have known. They’re like chocolate cake, like cigarettes – I know they’re bad for me, but I just can’t leave them alone.”

“Why didn’t you tell us about you and dad? I wish you had been honest with me about stuff like that.”

She looked me in the eye, with a serious expression, as she picked up her glass of wine. “You really want to know? I’ll tell you whatever you want to know now…”

“I do. …It may not have changed much… But if I had known… If you had been frank with me about this kind of stuff… Maybe I would have made at least some better decisions… Maybe I would have avoided the worst of it.”

My mother nodded as if to say she understood and had taken on board my concerns. She then launched into honestly outlining her side of the relationship.

I must say, I appreciate the candid response she gave me… But at the same time it seemed a little too late. Yet… I honestly can’t say how I would have handled the information had I learned it when I needed it – around 13 years of age. Mainly because the majority of the information had to do with my father.

Still… If I had known… If I had a frank discussion or 12 with my mother, perhaps I could have avoided an abusive relationship, or at the very least lessened it. I might have even avoided dangerous situations (i.e Timmy or David). I’m not saying all of my past problems would have not happened… But perhaps I would have made some better decisions once in awhile. I wouldn’t have believed that controlling behaviour and jealousy meant he loved me. I may not have felt that I owed anyone sexual favours or my very heart.

As it stands, I plan to tell my daughter (and my son) about my past before they start eying the opposite sex. I plan to tell them about the abuse I endured, about the mistakes and the triumphs in my relationships. I plan to tell them about the bad – Wyatt, David… though depending on their age I may sanitize certain aspects… basic info without the detail really. I’ll tell them about the good – Justin, Andre… etc I’ll tell them about the relationships in between – Viktor, Sven… and how they shouldn’t settle and dismiss their feelings for the sake of not hurting otherwise nice people. Yet – it’ll be unacceptable for them to be assholes of course. LOL Gosh, this parenting thing is hard. This may have to be over more than one conversation… I guess I’ll take it as it comes…

So anyway… This morning, I took a sip of my latte and started to sing along:

“So I walked under a bus, I got hit by a train. Keep falling in love – which is kinda the same. I’ve sunk out at sea, crashed my car… gone insane – and it felt so good, I wanna do it again.”

Oh, Bachelor Girl… You get me… Even at 34 I sometimes can’t help but feel that I wanna do it all again… OMG WTF is wrong with me?? 😉

Well hey, I suppose there’s something about the rush. The endorphins, the dopamine… The men whether they’re good or bad for me… and maybe, deep down, I think if I did it again I might make better decisions. But you know what? If I’m honest with myself, I’m not so sure that would be true…. Knowing what I know now, I still am more attracted to the “bad boy;”  like a bad habit. I think maybe I should just not have let myself get a taste of them in the first place…

Now if you’ll excuse me; I have a sudden urge for chocolate cake and a cigarette…

“We are the Loudest Tooth Fairy”

I have gleaned permission from Dane to share with you a text conversation we had around midnight last night. I thought perhaps you guys would find it as amusing as I did. I’m tempted to just post screenshots with his real name blotted out… but that smacks of cheating on a writing blog… LOL Though that didn’t stop me putting a small part as the featured image… as if to prove to you my stories aren’t made up…? or something…? Haha

Anyway, the conversation officially started much earlier in the evening when I sent these pictures:


With the note “Felt odd finally going back to an Old Chicago without you! Miss you bunches! :* ”

As a side note to give you some background – Old Chicago, as you can see, is a restaurant that specializes in Pizza and Beer (though they have various other pub foods as well.) They also run a “World Beer Tour” in which one drinks “110 unique beers from our stellar selection (duplicate beers do no apply)” in no particular time frame. Once you’ve done that, you get your name engraved onto their Wall of Foam (at whichever location you finished your tour at.) They also have various other “mini tours” during various parts of the year that you can earn swag by drinking those particular beers included in the mini tour.

All that being said: When Dane left Tennessee he had earned his name on the Wall of Foam no less than FIVE times. When you reach five at any particular location, the color of the metal tag that your name is engraved on that time changes. I believe; however, that his 5th was at a different location than our usual haunt in Clarksville. We went every Wednesday (well, he did – I just went often) with various friends and he usually strong armed me into going for lunch with him on Sundays… Ok, ok not really strong armed me per se… but… well… we’ll just say I didn’t argue when he declared we were going there after church lol. Most often we went on Sundays because he had something on his mind and wanted to talk to me over a beer.

After that 5th time, I lost track and honestly have no idea if he kept up the motivation to continue refinishing world tours over and over.

So to bring it back around… I sent him a text that dripped with nostalgia. A few hours later he responded like this:

Yay Old Chicago!

I’m super drunk with kin right now

This woke me up – usually I don’t go to bed till midnight or later, but I happened to fall asleep pretty early last night.

This started a bit of a back and forth as he explained what he was doing and who he was with – essentially he had been at a bar his cousin owns.

He explained the relation of said cousin:

dad’s oldest sisters son

Then he stated seemingly out of the blue:

Daughter lost first tooth.

Tacked on as if that explained further who said cousin was.

Yup, ok on the same page now 🙂


Are you tasked to be the tooth fairy? I responded.

With a hint of sulkiness coming through my screen, he wrote:

They won’t let me dump the pennies from my car under her pillow

The bed shook as I gulped back laughter that threatened to burst out loud. I didn’t want to wake my husband. I expressed this amusement as best I could through text:

Haha Haha! What a good use for them though!

Fuck I am drunk, was his natural reply.

Lol, not such a terrible thing.

At least you are texting me and not leaving drunk voicemails to people… maybe.

I said this thinking back to voicemails he has left to me in the past. One of which was an amazing opportunity to take the mickey out of him the next day… I’ll have to look and see if I’ve told you all about that before… Hmmm….

The conversation continued on for a bit in that drunk person can only focus on one thing at a time kind of jump-from-topic-to-topic fashion (well the conversation as a whole had that feeling.)

My job now is to wake up in time to shower for church, he said.

You can do it, I believe in you, I replied.


No Worries

Their brita is so empty

Brita? I queried

… I was legitimately confused but he quickly changed subject (reading back now I realise he meant their water pitcher – he tends to drink masses amounts of water right before bed after a night of drinking.)

And this is where the featured image comes in – he jumped back to the tooth fairy topic.

We are the loudest tooth fairy

I can’t deny that made me smile…

We? Am I being a tooth fairy with you?


Oops Shhh

(I knew he probably meant he and his cousin… but it’s fun playing with drunk Dane… and did think maybe part of his loudness was his phone going off lol)

Thank goodness, kin made up a bed for me, he jumped topic again.

PS How cute is it that he uses the word “kin” as a pronoun? haha

They love you, of course they did.

Going to sleep now?

Holy shit, Raiders of the Lost Ark is on Amazon

Well obviously you got to stay up and watch it…

Unless you need to get up for church… then…

They are not amused, he informed me.

Psssh you’re hilarious when you’re drunk.

Tell them that.

Because I’m an instigator – that’s why… and I could just imagine him insisting he’s hilarious Hahaha

aaaaand End Scene.

That’s enough of that, you don’t need our “good nights” etc.  I must say though that I love having Dane back in my life… Not that he was gone before, well not except for that 2 year period after “the fight,” but I mean having him in real time again. Having the ability to text since he very very rarely uses messanger or other similar apps… Just having him the next state over is awesome… Hopefully that means we can see each other face to face sometime in the near future.

That text stream last night reminded me of old times… It’s been too long since I’ve been even remotely included in Dane-shenanigans, haha. I’d give almost anything to get another weekend, happily inebriated and in the company of Best Friend Boy 🙂




Bring on the Tacky Shit

“I dream he has his hand around my neck, his face close to mine with that determined gaze of his. I know he doesn’t ever think about me anymore. I know that these dreams are irrational, especially now that the likelihood of us ever being in the same city again is slim – that’s what I tell myself anyway when I wake up in a cold sweat.”

That is a quote from the very first post I wrote about St Patrick’s day. The first time I told the world why I’ve hated the holiday so passionately for the past 9 years. (Oh My God, has it really been that long??? Counting… Math… Yup… Had just enough fingers to figure that one out….)

JESUS! 9 Fucking years!? I wrote that post exactly two years ago, February 17, 2015. At that point – 7 years in – it was still especially intense; as you can see. Even so – 7 years was way too long.

Writing that post was the start of working through it. The start of me recognizing in myself what was really going on in my head, as well as why my depression had gotten so much like clockwork – starting every Lenten/St Patrick’s time frame… and lasting through to April usually. Over the past two years, since I’ve been letting all my shit out on the internet and in my books, it’s been steadily getting better. I’ve let a bunch of emotional baggage free – release that shit y’all… Write it out. Talk about it frankly. Does wonders, I tell ya. Also, getting the resolve to actually do something about your own sense of self preservation does wonders in such cases as well… Particularly, as you can tell from the quote above, cases in which you have a deep seated fears – especially those rooted in abusive situations – kickboxing, Jiu Jitsu, MMA… Self -Defense… all those kinds of training classes do wonders as well.

That year was rough, last year was much less so. This year I’ve resolved to get over the hump. I won’t let it be 9 years. Certainly not a decade. I used to adore Irish things in general… Love Celtic music… Irish Gaelic has long been a language I want to add to my list of skills. As a kid I loved the simple pleasure of getting to pinch my sisters if they forgot to wear green on March 17th. Ha… I remember dying my hair and eyebrows green temporarily in 1999 – at the time I was dating Andre. It was supposed to wash out as it was only hair mascara… but my eyebrows seemed to decide that they wanted to hold on to the pigment a tad bit longer LOL.

I didn’t repel from the glittery green this year. In fact, I considered buying something thoroughly tacky. Then I thought, no… Perhaps I would buy something slightly more tasteful. Something that would vaguely remind me of St Patrick’s day, but something I could easily wear anytime of year to remind me of the journey I have taken so far. Remind me that mistakes can be righted, remind me not to beat myself up so much, remind myself never to get involved with a man such as David again. Remind myself never to let a man manhandle me again – not without a fight anyway.

So you wanna see what I got?? 😀


While this is a Pennsylvania Dutch hex, it has a shamrock on it obviously. Makes it not overtly Irish – I’ve always like Penn Dutch stuff anyway – and hey Shamrock symbolizes luck here – as do the two distelfinks… so double the luck, hey? 😉


I also ordered this, but it hasn’t arrived yet… Again not outright Irish (It’s an antique Scottish bangle) but if you’ll notice there are shamrocks in the design around the sides.

So there you go. While I’m showing y’all jewelry, I might as well show you the two items I just got in the mail today – bought them with a gift card my father sent me for my birthday. Note on the watch – I was really considering the Ariel (because Red Hair, duh.) or the Goth Tinker Bell (both similar art styles and style of watch (though different metals) to the one below) …Goth Tinker Bell would have been so me as well… But ultimately I decided on Sleeping Beauty because she was always my favorite princess growing up. It also reminded me of a water color I did for girl I knew for her birthday years ago. That little girl adored me and her favorite was Sleeping Beauty as well. I painted it and put it in a frame and she literally squealed when she opened it… and kept it by her bedside… I digress… I’m sorry… anyway:

I also am all about retro cassette tapes – I have a dress and a jansport backpack with cassettes as well as a belt buckle that I need to find an actual belt to use with it. I was seriously considering the earrings that match this necklace as well LOL.

Okay, well I’ll wrap it up now. I’d just like to note about my featured image… I have very much resisted the urge to display my bitstrips/bitmoji crazy here. Haha, when Bitstrips was still an active app (sooo bummed they shut it down) I would annoy the ever living fuck out of my FB friends with it – though… I must say… I was freaking hilarious. It’s a small comfort I still have Bitmoji to use LOL

That being said… I am super tempted to get it all out of my system and prep a post now with a bunch of my old Bitstrips… HAHAHA ….Hmmm……

And now a word from our sponsors…

I already have two regular posts scheduled for this week – one tomorrow, well in a few hours… and another two days later.

But in the meantime I thought I’d do a little more promotional work on the behalf of a friend. I like to support my friends, you’ve no doubt gathered if you’ve been following me for awhile.

Since I recently spoke of him, and I also spoke to him this morning – his site being mentioned in said discussion – I realised I had supported his site on Facebook, but not here.

Please, everyone, go visit my good buddy JR’s Wildlife Photography Facebook Page! He is a ranger and freelance photographer in South Africa – he recently won Best of Africa’s Best Bird Image 2016:


He captures some truly amazing shots (both the bird and the lion are his pictures) – he is totally worth checking out and the follow! Give my guy some love! 🙂

While I’m here being all promotional and shit – it’s been awhile since I’ve asked, begged, pleaded… I need reviews for my book on Amazon. There have been over 100 downloads, especially early on during the free download promotion, but only 8 reviews. Remember:


So please, please help this indie author out and give me some reviews – and, hey, download or buy the paperback if you haven’t already and then leave a review!

The book can be found here. – and for those that may not be sure about it, here are the current reviews on Amazon… See? Worth at least the $2.99 (USD) download at least, right? 😉


I swear I don’t know all of these people LOL Anyway – I rarely try to bring attention to my book, but I do hope that you all can help a girl out a bit! Especially before I eventually get this next manuscript out to the public. Please and Thank You Lovelies :*