Dan, Dane, David, Husband, Jimmy, Sven, Viktor, Wyatt

I Was A Slut For Sleeping With Him

Write it down, I'm told. Anything you can remember, just write it down. The thing is you want me to remember, to recall events, to be able to tell you about them - but you fail to understand that these particulars, the particulars I am ashamed of, were not that important to me. Not in… Continue reading I Was A Slut For Sleeping With Him

anxiety, depression, Husband

Unpack All The Boxes

I am aware. I am aware of the fact that my actions and reactions in relationships can be categorized as bad, just as bad. Perhaps even worse. Considering I've had such actions used against me. Relationships that changed my entire view of how relationships work and how to, shall we say... survive them. Emotional manipulations,… Continue reading Unpack All The Boxes

anxiety, depression, Uncategorized

Weird Couch Fever Dream

I slept like shit last night you guys, and let me tell you why. Well, first of all I'm sick - so that didn't help things, but... since I'm sick and feared being contagious to hubby, I slept on the couch. I had a new bottle of Paxil in the living room so I took… Continue reading Weird Couch Fever Dream

anxiety, Best Friends, Dane, Maja, svea, Uncategorized

Being a Nothing-of-Consequence

My anxiety is rising. I was in a good mood earlier today, and I plan on feeling okay tomorrow... The thing is that as the holiday season starts, I am catching ripples of anxiety - like waves of salt hitting my face, suddenly so that I don't have time to close my mouth. I sputter… Continue reading Being a Nothing-of-Consequence

anxiety, David, memories, relationships, teenage years, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Freaking Frigid – A Memory

It came back to me today, a memory I'd like to say was vague - as I hadn't thought about it for a very long time. But it's not, not vague at all. I've been having these snippets pop up in my mind here and there, seemingly randomly over the past few weeks. I'm not… Continue reading Freaking Frigid – A Memory

anxiety, Dane, David, depression, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Take My Prazosin And Hope David Stays Out Of My Dreams

Honestly, I don't know if I have anything interesting to spew at the moment. I just felt like getting back to the root of my blog/writing career for a minute - I felt like writing without a purpose to see what would emerge. I hope to clarify my inner self, to figure out why I… Continue reading Take My Prazosin And Hope David Stays Out Of My Dreams

anxiety, David, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

In Defense of…? Or Rather… …Billy Gave Me Anxiety

Stranger Things Spoilers Below. Proceed with caution 😉 I finally finished Stranger Things season 3 last night and it was so depressing. I'm not talking about Hopper's possible death - because the way it was handled I am relatively certain he will suddenly show back up and have a wild story as to how he… Continue reading In Defense of…? Or Rather… …Billy Gave Me Anxiety

anxiety, David, depression, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Fucking Around with Meds – the PTSD edition

"But Emma," I hear you say. "You are officially a nurse now, you should know better than to fuck around with your meds." I sigh, because I know you're right. I suppose 'fuck around' is a bit strong of a description though. Fact is, my self care has been lacking lately and part of that… Continue reading Fucking Around with Meds – the PTSD edition

anxiety, David, depression, Medical, Uncategorized

The Night Is Dark and Full of Terrors

Sorry for the delay in updating, my psych appointment was postponed a few weeks. I had my follow up just yesterday afternoon. I discussed with my doctor the fact that I've seen the article about David... with his accolades saying he recently was promoted to Major, he's getting his Masters in a few months, and… Continue reading The Night Is Dark and Full of Terrors

anxiety, David, depression, relationships, Uncategorized, Wyatt

At What Level is it Normal?

I have a follow up with my psychiatrist in a few days. She wants to check on how my meds are doing now that I am entering the annual timeframe that the worst of my PTSD usually takes effect. So what am I going to tell her? I keep thinking about it... do I still… Continue reading At What Level is it Normal?

anxiety, depression, Uncategorized

Heeeey… I’m Still Alive!

I've been so busy lately... I was hoping to write a proper blog post last weekend, while I was off of work - but I was away in Philadelphia for my sister's wedding, and my hopes for some downtime for writing did not come to fruition. I feel like I have so much to say,… Continue reading Heeeey… I’m Still Alive!

anxiety, Uncategorized

Minimizing my anxiety and PTSD Part 2

Yesterday I shared with you the two main exercises I am to try to assist in minimizing my anxiety and my PTSD. Those exercises, though can be done in the moment while having an anxiety or PTSD attack, were for more long term changes to my brain. Today, I am also going to share two… Continue reading Minimizing my anxiety and PTSD Part 2

anxiety, depression, Uncategorized

Minimizing my anxiety and PTSD

Oh geez, you guys, I apologize. I still need to write up more posts about the trip to Sweden I had in July... I had so many things I wanted to document, but I just haven't had the time. Hopefully one day soon... But I've been dealing with nursing school the past three weeks, as… Continue reading Minimizing my anxiety and PTSD

anxiety, David, depression, Husband, Uncategorized, Wyatt

Double Depression, Anxiety, and… Emma’s Mental Health Update

I've been working on my Sweden Trip posts... But also I got my manuscript back from my editor on Thursday before working Friday through Sunday... so It'll be a little bit before I get those promised posts out. However, I have another long-awaited post to give you now... So... Enjoy 🙂 **************** Yesterday, I went… Continue reading Double Depression, Anxiety, and… Emma’s Mental Health Update

depression

The sads… and “Happy Fucking New Years” – an update a year later 

I've developed the sads you guys... again. We've arrived in Wisconsin, the house and area are nice enough - suppose I'll end up doing a blog post about it all soon enough. I'm trying to be happy right now, but I'm stressed abd frustrated about so many things. My schooling, my career, the oncoming loneliness… Continue reading The sads… and “Happy Fucking New Years” – an update a year later 

Best of, depression, Uncategorized

22 a day – Happy Fucking New Years

**Trigger Warning: graphic content/Suicide Personally, i had a good New Years eve - the festivities were muted, but fun with friends around, a few drinks... it was nice. But not everyone had a good New Years... Besides the fact that there is a veteran suicide at the rate of approximately 22 a day, the suicide… Continue reading 22 a day – Happy Fucking New Years