MIA, Medication, and Making Money!

Gosh, I feel like I’ve been MIA again… I suppose I have been, particularly given that my kids have been ill since Friday. They’ve been in high enough spirits and feeling over all well enough… But they are contagious and not allowed to go to school until we can procure the medication – which has been a nightmare so far.

The original prescription was sent off on Friday. I was told then that it had to be ordered and would be available Monday… On Monday I was told it was delayed and they couldn’t get the whole thing filled… AND that with my insurance it would be $300. I called around to all other pharmacies – same story, no one in town or the next town over had it nor could they easily get the full amount needed.

So I had to call the clinic to discuss with them and they were able to figure out a different (and thank goodness generic) medication… side note: who in their right mind ever prescribes meds that aren’t available in generic anymore?? – eff you Friday doctor. That nurse also found a pharmacy in town that could fill it by this afternoon. Crossing fingers there are no more hiccups because I really need these kids back in school!

In no small part due to the fact that I have my first day at my new job tomorrow! Hubby said if need be he’ll take the day off so I don’t screw up the very first day! However, he is also really busy this week so that would be far from ideal.

So anyway… Yay! I found what seems to be a perfect fit job-wise. I interviewed two weeks ago and the next day I had the offer. They were very enthusiastic so that was nice – nice to feel wanted! They wanted to offer me the Part Time position that had more hours, but gave me my choice as they had another position with less hours… I chose the one with less hours. Really, I am just wanting to make a little extra money and get out of the house a bit… keep up some skills while I wait for nursing school to start back up again. Minimal stress, but the ability to pick up extra hours if I want to. I also got offered more money than I expected so… Bonus! Woo!

I’ll be working at a Rehabilitation and Nursing home – apparently (so I’ve heard since taking the position) the best facility of it’s kind to work for in the area… so, another Yay! LOL

I can’t wait to get out of the house tomorrow for orientation… I have been scrubbing this house clean since Saturday – most of the work being done Sat/Sun – and then chasing the kids to keep things clean which of course has been difficult. I still have a big pile of laundry I’m trudging through though…. uuuggghhh…. and, well… I best get back to that I suppose.

ETA: FUCK! Generic is no longer available still out of pocket $300 😦

Calling on Vlad

I knocked on the door, a little apprehensive as I had never been to Vladimir’s house. I was apprehensive mostly because I had a bit of a crush on him and we had never really worked closely for school projects before. He, along with most of the 5 other dudes in our class, tended to work together when they had the choice. Just depended, I suppose.

This time it was a group that comprised me, Vlad, and John… really there were one or two others required for our scenes – but we were the three major characters and needed the majority of rehearsal together if we were to perform the finale of our class’ “Death and Destruction” production for the Shakespeare day competition at our school.

It was a compilation of some of the major death scenes found in Shakespeare’s plays. Romeo and Juliet died, Julius Caesar died… a couple others I can’t recall… then we finished with Othello as there were 4 or 5 deaths all around the end of that play.

As sweet and mild mannered as Vlad seemed, he made for a good Iago. (He also made for a good Mob boss when we did Bullets Over Broadway the next year… hmmm…) I was Desdemona and John was Othello.

We arranged for the three of us to meet at Vlad’s house – I don’t think many of our classmates went there as far as I could tell. I’m not sure why – perhaps it was his mother who couldn’t speak English or Swedish… Perhaps he was embarrassed; perhaps he was just very private – I have a feeling it was the latter.

I arrived first and after the trek on Stockholm’s public transport I decided I would need to use the facilities before getting too far into our day’s work.

He welcomed me in, introduced me briefly to his mother – letting me know she only spoke their native tongue – and informing me that John had not arrived yet.

“Ok cool… Before we get started though I need to use your toilet…” Looking down the halls on each side, I asked “Where might I find it?”

With deadpan seriousness he replied “Oh, we don’t have a toilet… We have to go outside.”

A blank stare was on my unamused face. In my mind, when one needs to use the facilities there is no room for attempts at humour. (Though I must say at any other time deadpan delivery of a dry humour does otherwise usually amuse me…. Many years later I had a friend, Roman, that had perfected the art of such. He made me giggle to no end.)

“Seriously, Vlad. There is no way there is not a bathroom in this house. Where is it?”

He protested that it was true and feigned hurt that I didn’t trust his word.

“Clearly you are a guy that has access to a bathroom – besides which there’s no way they’d build a house in first world Sweden without hygienic facilities.”

“It’s an old house,” he said. “And I just have to hike up the hill to our neighbor’s house for my shower in the mornings…. We have an arrangement.”

If he was trying to frustrate me, he was succeeding. This exchange continued for a good ten minutes it seemed. Well past the acceptable joke length anyway. It lasted till I emphatically assured him I would piss on his floor if he did not come clean as to the whereabouts of his guest WC. I’m also relatively certain I told him I had no issue wandering his house, peeking in every room until I found it.

Finally. FINALLY. He showed me where to go. With a begrudging tone, I thanked him and did as I needed.

That day John never did show up… We waited for a time before I texted him and he said he’d be on his way… and then eventually that he was held up and wouldn’t be coming. I sighed. In all honesty – I was looking forward to working with John too.

Vlad and I worked on our bits together and then we helped each other by reading John’s lines as necessary for a basic run through of lines… and then we gave up.

Too bad I couldn’t make more of time alone with Vlad… not that I could have made much happen with his mum in the house Haha… but still. As much as that boy aggravated me that day, I still found him on the whole charming.

All that being said… ESb is looking for you Vlad. Periodically we discuss amongst ourselves on Facebook about what the hell happened to you – I know Howard, Myself, and Mahan at the very least have tried to look you up… so Vladimir Kaplarevic from ESb at Kungsholmens (2002) if you are out there… (or anyone knows him) looks us up!

**I’ve written a little about being a Desdemona before… check it out if you haven’t done πŸ™‚ And on Monday I’ll tell you about John being my Othello πŸ˜‰


The Grand Scheme of Things

In a few weeks I turn 34. Logically I know that is not all that old…. But maybe it’s Karma because I called Justin “old” when he turned 34 yesterday – same as Dane when he turned 34 in October. But now… Siiiiggghhh… I’m starting to feel old myself. Really, it’s not so much a feeling of being old, but rather more of a sudden realization that these 34 years have passed rather quickly it seems and if the next 34 goes just as quickly then I suddenly will be old! 68! Ah! All that much closer to my 80s or 90s! Is this what a midlife crisis feels like? I’m not quite at “midlife” yet am I? AM I???!!!

No, seriously though I’m not actually freaking out THAT much… It’s just an unsettling thought process I’ve had so far. Especially after having done so much reminiscing this last week with all the journals and pictures pulled out of storage.

Looking back at how young and thin I was… Looking back at how much potential I had. Looking back and realizing how misguided I was in thinking I was chubby at times or not as attractive as the other girls that surrounded me. I have since had a couple men tell me that in looking at my old pictures, that I was an attractive teenager and I would have been a girl they would have pursued had they known me at that time. Flattering, yes… and now I have more of the capacity to actually trust their words.

I wish I hadn’t been so self doubting back then. I wish I was able to actually believe that certain guys actually cared for me… Actually loved me as they said… or actually found me beautiful. While I clearly had a handful of romantic conquests, I distrusted their intentions for the most part. I distrusted that their flattery was genuine – I assumed I was perhaps a passing fancy or something to keep them occupied until another better option came along.

Perhaps, I was wrong. Perhaps, my self-esteem was that damaged that I was deluded in the perception of myself. I suppose most teenage girls struggle with similar issues. Hey, I only just learned in recent years that Maja struggled with similar self-doubts – and my perception of her was of a ridiculously gorgeous girl that had many many boys to choose from. {That’s why you didn’t need Ludde, Maja! Shoulda kicked that asswipe to the curb a lot sooner! πŸ˜‰ }

I also wish I maybe made some different life choices along the way… Slept with more men… I’ve mentioned that before… hmmm… Finished college earlier… Gotten that tattoo… Traveled back to/lived in Europe again – particularly Scandinavia… Gotten more fit/strong… maintained my weight/lost it and kept it off …etc etc etc…

So now I will soon be starting the next 34 years of my life. Looks like I have a lot to accomplish, and perhaps not that long in which to accomplish it. Not that long in the grand scheme of things… Not that long if I let the years slip through my fingers again.

I don’t want to suddenly be 68 or 80 or whatever and realize that I never did what I intended to do nor felt the way I perhaps should have about myself. I don’t want to wake up one day and feel like my life had been lived in vain.

ο»ΏScary eyes

Now – back to some more regular programming. LOL as in – not just a whole bunch of pictures. Back to old themes and old memories – or in this case memories forgotten.

In my first Treasures post, I mentioned a journal entry in one of the journals I shared with Anneke. It was a vague entry in as far as I mentioned telling my friend John about something to do with my past with guys and he became legitimately angry. I noted that his eyes were scary.

In that post I wondered what the heck I had actually told him as both Maja and Svea had confirmed I never straight out told them about being abused or anything prior to meeting them – they did both; however, say when they found out that they had often suspected.

After reading this journal entry I called Maja up and mentioned it… I legitimately didn’t recall this event happening.Β  She did. She didn’t know what I had said to him, but she recalled him remaining very angry after the fact – yelling about how men shouldn’t “treat a bird that way!”

Curiosity got the better of me so I messaged John late last night – he currently lives in Africa so not likely I could get a hold of him easily in real time. I explained what I had stumbled upon and that I had no recollection of it. I told him I spoke to Maja and what she remembered… and said “I guess I’m wondering if I spoke in generalities or actually told you as the one and only person that I had gone through a two year abusive relationship…?”

He responded this morning that he did in fact recall that conversation. He was fuzzy on the details (he promised to think on it and get back to me if he remembered more), but he did remember the anger. He remembered that it was around the time that I was his Desdemona… He recalled sitting on some desks in a classroom (my guess would be in our English classroom) while we chatted. He remembered getting angry with the conviction that I didn’t deserve that.

I wonder to myself how much I revealed to this guy – this tough, thug like guy – that I didn’t feel that I could reveal really to my BFFs. Honestly; from that journal entry I’m actually surprised at myself how much I said to her…

But now at least it makes some sense at how he had the protective feeling over me. It makes sense that he came to me in the courtyard and told me he intended to “take care of” any guy that may choose to hurt me. It makes sense now that he told me and Maja that we were his girls.

It also makes sense that Maja would have picked up on the sense I had been abused after seeing John’s reactions to whatever I told him. Maybe I said it outright, maybe I didn’t and he just got enough of a sense of what I was saying to read between the lines. I don’t know – maybe I’ll find out soon if he recalls any other specifics.

For those of you that have been following me for awhile you may be confused by the name change – some of my commentary may sound familiar especially if you’ve read the book… I had changed his name to Jude… Obviously his name is correct in the journal and I didn’t want to confuse anyone further by not matching the name to the images… (which also, by the way, the featured image is our year book from that same year – I am top second from the left, and he is directly below me in the hat.) I’ve written about him/mentioned some of this in this post and this post. To be fair, he also doesn’t go by John anymore – sometimes I forget when we’re talking and I revert back to old habits… But he doesn’t like who he was back then and doesn’t like to go by the name he used all those years ago.

I dunno, John… I liked you heaps. You were always nice to me even when I wasn’t so sure why. Clearly you had a conscience that affected you – especially when it came to things and people you cared about. “…Thank you, John… for clearly being my friend.”

Speaking of journal entries of events I don’t recall… I read a couple of my personal journals that made it through the years as well – still missing some specific ones I wish I still had… but wow. Still a blast from the past and well worth keeping and remembering.

I wrote in my journal that while I was dating my husband I wrote about going out with my friends Brian and Patrick in which I met a guy I described as their creepy friend named Zack. This guy had asked me if I was dating Patrick and when I answered in the negative, he informed me that I was hot and that he wanted me.

I politely declined, letting him know I was in a serious relationship; to which he replied that it shouldn’t matter if I was with someone. (Why the fuck did he care if I was dating Patrick then?) I told him I didn’t have any intention of being with anyone else while I was in this relationship. He replied asking why I let my boyfriend control me…. Followed quickly by the offer to control me himself. He suggested taking a hold of my hair and pulling it while kissing me.

Ewww. Dude.

I’ve talked on this blog before about how I do, in fact, like it a little rough and I honestly do like my hair pulled on occasion… but Fuck Off “Zack.”

After reading this entry, I did kind of remember the occurrence – not many details – but I remember the icky feeling this guy gave me. Since when did a girl wanting to be faithful mean she wants to be controlled? Since when is it okay or even sexy to offer to control a girl you just fucking met? I mean… dude… maybe if you had been smoother about it and maybe if I was otherwise single and somewhat into you I might have gone off with you to get your rocks off… How about in the event of that occurrence – then and only then you can ask me if I want it rough or want my hair pulled? Otherwise *gag.*

For the record, I did actually write “Ewww” in my journal when recounting this individual. Now that I recalled this incident I think it needs to be added to the list of my stories – the stories we as women must tell so that we can teach our sons “not to be creepy assholes.”

To end it on a happier note, though – I also found one other bit of text I wanted to share with you all. Easter 1999 – I received this card from Justin. An instant smile spread across my face and a tear or two stung my eyes. I had all but forgotten I had kept this. It was in the small keepsake box I grabbed and tossed in the truck when we evacuated from Hurricane Katrina… Thank goodness πŸ™‚


I’ve had some terrible men come across the path in my life’s journey. I’ve had some pass through briefly such as that Zack asshole or the men that attempted to rape me. I’ve had some walk side by side with me for longer – taking the same course for months or years. I’ve had men make me feel terrible about myself, tearing down my self esteem, for far longer than I should have allowed.

Yet, then I’ve had some men that have come into my life that have made me feel truly special. I’ve had a few that actually made/make me happy.

I talk a lot about the men that caused all the negative feelings in me, yes I’ve talked about people like Justin and Andre before… Even Viktor etc etc that were all around decent men… but sometimes I get bogged down with the negatives. This card reminds me to pull my head up and remember that there really has been more good men than bad in my life.

Treasures; or a second Christmas

I received my storage delivery yesterday as you will have noticed from my gleeful outburst last night. I have taken mondo amounts of pictures to share with you all so I think I’m going to have to break it into at least two posts. Today I will start with stuff to do with friends/me as a teen – next time I’ll do family related stuff and me as an adorable child πŸ˜‰

As a pre-note: a lot of my High School pictures were affected during Hurricane Katrina and I had to cut off damaged bits – so they are sometimes cut in odd shapes to preserve the main focus of the pictures. Hence why many of them were pasted into scrapbooks πŸ˜‰

Look! I found more of my ripped jeans pictures! Loved those things… I took these pictures for my friend back in the US (I’ve mentioned him as “Adam” here before) after he had sent me some updated pictures of himself πŸ™‚ This was the second half of senior year (2002) when I was living with the missionaries.

I’ve also written about this night before, though I think I’ve made it private on the blog – it’s in the book though – this is the night I went to a Marine party with “Calle” – His sister is the one with a guy clearly leering down her top… He’s the one with the beach ball.

Night out at The Monkey Bar with Svea, Nico, and “Linus” (oh well you’ll see in another picture his name is actually Felix.)

Look! I also found more pictures from that day with Maja… There she is with her coffee πŸ˜‰

Last post I added a picture of me and Anneke at camp – this is the same camp the next year. One year was a 70s picnic, the next year we did a “Western” BBQ… So this is me doing that with Lene. Anneke was there too… just don’t seem to have pictures of her rednecked up πŸ˜›

Maja sent me some yearbook pictures last night (FINALLY!) – This is First Year before I met her. I was in IB with Lene and Anneke and Svea was in EN… Oh take note the Korean guy just below her – his name was Bjung Man… annnd… I just discovered my grad cap yesterday:

Byung Man wrote: Rachel! I love your Ass! – B/Man… The note next to it was my friend Amanda starting off noting that perhaps she should check out my ass more thoroughly LOL

I had such a crush on B/Man… He never knew. He was a really cool guy. I remember he snowboarded and was on the cover of a sports magazine due to his skills.

More grad pics (I’ve posted some previously) – Felix and I at the Champagne Breakfast, Anneke and I after Utspringen… a Card I received… and Champagne breakfast in the park – Felix and Svea are in this picture.


Written about him before… “Will.”

Bike riding with Anneke πŸ™‚

Oooo Fancy Rae – at the Senior Prom with Mikael when I was in 9th grade (1998) and after going to my friend’s Studentskiva (grad party formal) – 2002

Hanging out on the tables in the halls at school… with Maja as ever πŸ˜‰

Partying with the Marines… I THINK this was the night I went with Dan… When I wrote about being on the shores of LidingΓΆ.Β Β 

Ok, there’s one last thing I wanted to share with you guys today. I found this in the journals between me and Anneke last night. I was surprised as I didn’t recall ever telling John about any of my past with men. I mentioned it when I spoke to Maja last night and she said she remembers John legitimately being angry over whatever I told him… She remembers him yelling about men aren’t supposed to “treat a bird that way!”

…Holy fuck… what did I admit to? I never told anyone else… all my BFFs confirm I never told them before writing my first manuscript… No wonder he later came and told me that he would “take care” of any guy that hurt me. I do remember that… I do remember thinking it was out of the blue… But clearly there was some history behind that…


Ok…next time… more pictures! Yaaay!

I know I can make it through

Whatever it takes, I know I can make it through – I’d wager at least anyone much older than me probably won’t get that reference. Hell half of you my age will likely not know it, unless you have teenage kids. Perhaps you’d recall the old school version: There’s a way, if I look then I can win – everybody can succeed, in yourself you must believe, give it a tryyyy… At Degrassi Hiiigggghhh πŸ™‚

Now that I’ve moved, we have finally gotten our Netflix back. This evening I searched for Degrassi and found that it is severely lacking in every incarnation except for the current “Next Class” show… So that is what I am watching currently.

I actually decided I best search my blog to make sure I hadn’t written about this show before – lo and behold I surprisingly hadn’t before; only mentioning it briefly in yesterday’s post – something I had conveniently forgotten.

As a young teen, Degrassi Jr High/Degrassi High was the edgy show. The show that portrayed real life teen issues using real teens. Something I am sure my parent’s likely would not have approved of me watching at 11 through 13 had they realised I was watching it when it came on after school – they were reruns at that point, only relatively recently having come off the air, and I watched them when Alice Springs only had two TV channels/ I tuned into Imparja whenever I knew it would be on.

Back in the day the show was real kids from the neighborhood, basically, who were not excellent or well trained actors. That didn’t matter to me; however, because to me their emotions were real and exciting and terrifying – through them I learned about teen pregnancy, the danger of drug use, dating abuse, domestic violence, and that children too could have fatal diseases.

As far as I was aware, none of the kids I knew had dealt with any of these issues – now I know that was likely blissful ignorance.

For years certain images remained in my head. The episode where Joey discovers that Rick is being physically abused at home – he goes to the school office asking hypothetical questions and then chickening out – which causes concern and social workers to show up at his home.

I remembered Spike dealing with being a teen mother and Shane jumping off a bridge whilst being high – causing himself a head injury that affected his mental faculties permanently. I remembered Kathleen getting beat up by her boyfriend, Scott. I remembered Snake finding Claude with his brains blown out in the school toilets. I remembered Dwayne in the toilets fighting with Joey and then freaking out, screaming at Joey to get away – lest he come in contact with Dwayne’s HIV infected blood.

It went off the air with a movie – with Joey having “fucked Tessa Campanelli,” and with Snake being the first on Canadian Television to declare “Fuck.” With Wheels – Oh my gosh… Wheels… my first badboy crush – drinking and driving. He killed a toddler and severely injured Lucy.

My parents may not have appreciated me watching such, should they have realised, but I am so glad I did.

I can’t be sure if this show influenced this thought process – but I don’t believe in keeping real world issues from youth. Sheltering them doesn’t help them when they enter the real world themselves.

In 2001 they brought back a new rendition – a new generation of Degrassi kids. I tuned in initially for nostalgia’s sake – because it was set up so that several characters made a return to the show as either full time adult characters or at least to make cameos. Wheels eventually returned having gotten out of jail and made amends with Snake – who had yet to forgive him for what had happened when we last saw him.

Spike’s daughter was now in school… and we followed her closely along with the new generation of kids.

The beauty of the new(er) show is that the production is a lot more professional, the actors are a lot more believable to my now more discerning eye. The beauty of this show is also that there is never ending lessons to be learned – never ending story arcs that continue to showcaseΒ  hard hitting teen issues. Updating with the times as the case may warrant, but still essentially the same timeless themes.

I love that there have been now almost countless girls that have turned up pregnant over the years that all have handled their cases differently. There have been multiple violent episodes – school shooters, suicidal students – along with multiple kids with serious medical conditions – all dealing with different specific problems and all outcomes being different. Just as real life would be.

I came back to see Spike, Snake, Joey, and Caitlin as the primary returning characters. I cared about the kids in their life as an extension of their characters, but as they faded into the background as their kids grew and left the show, turning over to new kids (Snake is the only one who now remains as he is the current reigning principal) I started to care about all new casts of characters.

My husband thinks I’m weird for continuing to watch a teen drama. I’ve mentioned it to a couple other guys my age as well – they also think I’m a bit silly I think – even though they recalled it from their childhood too.

But for me it’s comforting. In a weird way it’s comforting to stick with something so familiar. It’s also comforting to hear sometimes that “Whatever it takes, I know I can make it through.”

*Image from lovethispic.com


Rae’s next bucket list 2017: Spring and Summer reprise

I am starting this post with a bit of trepidation, honestly. I’m so tired now, after 33 years, of making goals or plans only to have them derailed. I’m so tired of my life being out of my direct control. I’m so tired of of making the wrong decisions – decisions that seem right at the time, but end up being the worst option in hindsight.

But I suppose if I don’t continue trying to trudge forward as well as make and hold onto goals then I might just drive myself crazy. Might just fall into a depression with a feeling of nothing left to try to live for, honestly.

So here I am. In a different hemisphere and attempting to compose a new list for the upcoming spring and summer. I need to give myself that much time for some of these things that will likely not physically/financially be able to be accomplished in just one season. I will also, naturally have this last bit of winter tacked on to it…

The majority of these are new goals I’ve set for myself after the further set back of having to uproot and move again when I was not prepared – properly ruining goals I had set for myself, not only in the last bucket list post – but so many other things I had been working towards the past few years.

  1. Find a new, good job. For most of my married life I’ve held shit paying jobs. In Australia I padded my resume and had scored a couple good positions. My last one being the best job I had ever worked thus far. Both the pay was really good as well as the atmosphere – coworkers were amazing and it was just plain a good job.Great for my resume etc. I am so fearful I’ll now start taking huge steps back now that I am in the US again. I was in HR in Australia – something that is nigh on impossible to get into here with out a specific degree… and I wasn’t in the position long enough, in my opinion, to demonstrate on my resume that I have the experience to counteract the degree.
  2. Figure out what the fuck I want to do with my life. I had a goal of becoming an RN and eventually gaining my Masters in possibly Midwifery – but a Masters nonetheless. I did really enjoy working Critical Care… sooo… I just have had so many setbacks on even my initial RN that I am questioning if it’s actually meant to be at this point. I do have other interests I’ve let roll around in my head – perhaps something else health related: Health Business, EMT then Paramedic, Respiratory Therapist… I dunno. I also really enjoyed Medical Microbiology in Uni. Granted, I had an amazing inspiring professor… But it was enough to make me consider doing it. Then again, I am still fascinated with linguistics. Who the fuck even knows anymore. I might as well choose by luck of the draw. Wouldn’t matter at this point.
  3. Once I figure out what to do with my life (will also be based on what is even offered at the local university…) Go the Fuck Back to School again and get the fucking new degree as fast as I possibly can. I got two degrees in 2012 – a general AA and an AS in Science (focus on Biology)both graduated with honours so I know I can do it… but I’ve been needing a fucking BS or some such degree for over a decade. Life and fucking moving and fucking out of state tuition etc etc has derailed me and/or delayed this goal for so long. I honestly kind of wish I had just fucking finished before getting married and leaving home… at least that first degree… UGH. I am just so frustrated and disheartened by this whole process. So many hindsight bad choices.
  4. To circle back to my unfinished goals from the last list: Finish my rewrite and get it on the market. On that note I will also add: Finish my Zarah story and see what I can do about publishing it as well. Start and possibly finish (first draft anyway) my idea for an erotic novel (I intend to hopefully break the mold of silly pretentious erotica, really I want a good story with just a lot of sex LOL we’ll see if it works out. Maja thinks I write / describe sex so much better than standard erotica… hope she’s right!)
  5. Lose 12 – 20 Kg
  6. Hopefully find a new, awesome Jiu Jitsu gym and get back to training. MMA or Kickboxing as well… and to give myself some leeway… an Awesome martial arts gym if nothing else (I have to see what’s available here). I also discovered that kickboxing bags are actually not that expensive in the sports store in town. They are good brands too… so I’d like to get one of those for home when we have more money coming back in… regardless… point is: start training again and hopefully find my MMA tribe.
  7. Find a tribe in general… I need to find one or two really good local friends. If it takes as long as it usually seems to take to find real, close, friends then I fear I will spiral in my loneliness again…
  8. Eventually start those guitar lessons I’ve been wanting since I was a youth? No freaking Gino around though… :/
  9. Rebuild my personal savings. I’m uncomfortable right now not having my own money set aside for the event that I may need to take care of myself someday… Another reason why I need a freaking degree. I don’t know that I could stand on my own two feet right now if I had to. I suppose I’d be able to survive… but… I hate feeling this dependent…
  10. Get back onto learning Estonian. Get better at Norwegian and Danish as well… and continue practicing my Swedish… but Estonian is something I’m not even proficient in yet. I started it in 2015 and haven’t gotten very far with it this past year.


Wish me luck… I’m going to need it.